bones4ballet

bones4ballet @ 2007-11-20T15:45:00

2007-11-20T13:09:27Z

A fat lump stands there,
blue eyes and fair,
fattylegs fatty thighs,
fat arms, she just crys.

Diets don't work,
Thoughts still lurk,
she stops the food,
Stares at her body nude.

Words repeat in her mind,
but she can't unwind,
a constant "ana will help",
is repeated in her fragile state.

She eats, she purges,
All for her skinny urges,
She's addicted to this strange drug,
she's broken because of this strange drug.

End end the pain she now suffers,
End the addict she is,
End the bledding,
End the pain.

Happy birthday for yesterday!

2007-11-17T11:16:29Z

Happy birthday for yesterday, all the best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi I have just been accepted!

2007-10-19T15:52:42Z

Hi guys I have just been accepted!

I am starting a 40 hour fast tomorrow, if anyone wants to join me!
I have been really off track for the past week as I have been on holiday with my family. And of course they watch what I eat so I have had to eat in front of them, but I couldn't help purging. They didn't find out about that though.I hate it when I purge! I havn't lost much weight over the week although it's not to be expected!

I started belly dancing on the weekend.It's such good exercise!

bones4ballet @ 2007-10-08T22:10:00

2007-10-08T19:01:51Z

I have resolved the crisis with me and my cousin! I told him that I was embarressed for throwing a chair at him and he says he was embarressed too to be this close to hitting me! all is forgotten! I am sooooo tired! I am going to have to sleep now! My french classes are so frustrating, why can't I just pick up the language. urrrrrrr! I have started self harming again! I want to release my frustration rather than keeping all my pains and thoughts inside of me! I want to stop it now! I hate it, but I just don't feel pain I am so frustrated!

I have a door,
it's under my floor.
beneath my achrimatic ceiling,
for all my haunting feelings,

Ther's a girl,
who is lost in this world,
she sits in the dark, behind my door,
she screams the pain but the door doesn't open.

The dark blood runs,
She still doesn't feel the sun,
She feels no pain, the anger burns too hard,
blades and glass to her skin, still don't remove her pain for long.

The former words from the world,
Called her to ana, she dreams of perfection,
Now she's different, now she's different!
She needs to punish herself for being fat, for the release of pain!
She hides in the dark,
No-one knows her remarks,
they don't hear her, they don't see her,

There's a girl in my mind!

Nighty night!

2007-10-06T14:40:29Z

I probably won't write again tonight!
Night people!

stay strong! Think thin! be thin!

bones4ballet @ 2007-10-06T16:35:00

2007-10-06T13:23:48Z

Helo girlies- how are ypu all?,
I feel so relaxed now! I went to a resort this weekend! It is such a releae from the pressure of this countries culture and the conservaty of the everyday dress! The resort was all westeners! My parents were really relaxed on what I ate! All I ate was 5 watermelon slices for two days! My mum didn't say anything! I feel so relaxed!

doing my ballet city workout 2!

Anyway it's now two days after that resort and I am starting the 2,4,6,8 thingy. except I think I WIll end up eating 700 cal instead of eight! I think my matabolism will get a wake up call and burn bun bun! today Is the two hundred calorie day! I have had 70 so far, it is 16:42 where I live and dinner in the boarding house will be coming up in about ten minutes! I don't feel like eating now I just want to sleep! I am only going to have a tiny bit of salad! I have weiged it already! that wil make it just under 140 calories. After 8 days of this 2,4...... thing I am going to try 1,3,5,7, and see how that ges for our days!

At the boarding house two of the older kids were busted last night! They were out at 12:00 (school starts at 7:00) when the house mother came upstairs to look on the balcony! They were puffing away with cigarettes, but uhoh! all the parents have been called up! but for god sakes these kids are 18 years old, why call their parents. She didn't even speak to them today!

Trying to stay out of their way now, the house mother and the kids!

bones4ballet @ 2007-10-05T19:58:00

2007-10-05T16:37:48Z

I went to al sawadi beach resort this weekend, it was really good fun! I felt relaxed- away fom the conservativeness of this country! Away from the shock of the competely different culture! There are basically just westeners there! So I have made up my book now of inspo, which is cool! Should encourage me when I am fasting! I am going to go do my fitness regeme now!

Just got a new attitude!

2007-10-05T16:30:20Z

I decided this morning that I was going to attempt to wear a vest top today without feeling concious about myself! I took something to cover my arms incase! I went into the shops before I felt concious about my arms! I feel rediculous waling with my friends wearing a shirt that covers my arms and my legs to not show my huge weight, while they wear trousers and a revealing top! I WANT TO NOT BE SELF CONCIOUS BUT I can't help it! I am flipping fat!!!!!!!!! I have lost 2KG this week! Is that very little? Ok so my fast went totally down the drain last week! so I tried another one for 50 hours and that worked out well, I didn't break it once! I have just bought this DVD called new york ballet city workout 2! I love it soooooo much! you can feel it working your muscles! I have decided to do a workout more related to ballet, I have been doing quite an intense yoga everyday for two years now! It helps me with my frustrations!

I read up on an article saying if you want to lose a pound a week you have to burn of 500 more calories than what you eat, everyday!

Parents!!!

2007-10-03T11:54:51Z

Our shipment arrived yesterday afternoon! I live in a boarding house so I wasn't there! It's the end of the school week today and in about half and hour I am going home for the weekend! I am going to a resort! Looking forward to the back massage! I am so glad we're going back to england in two years! yay, I miss my friends! Anyway I am starting the 2,4,6,8 thing! I am thinking thin, but I don't want to fuck up my matabolism! so I am making it so the calories are different everyday, it makes sense! to me anyway! I love tokio hotel so mcuh! I am getting a tattoo next year when I go to england to have fun at the redding festival! woop woop. 150 bands £150.

today!

2007-10-02T16:38:06Z

I was forced to give up my fast today by my house mother! Now I feel fat and ill! I feel like I am the muffin. Now I am going to do 500cal worth of excersise! See you! I feel like a pig, no wait I am a pig! I look like one and eat lke one. I mst of had at least 700 cal today. But I threw up immidiatly after woulds!
On the happy note our shipment finally arrived today. My photos! yay. Lol I am going to go and chat with some people!

Fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-30T16:56:30Z

Ok todays fast is going all right, but I have had to drink this fennel green tea to suppress my appetite. Is that already breaking my fast? but it's like pure hot water almost! Anyway the first day I always find hard tommorow should be easier!

I am so bored and I don't have anything to do! I need to do something!

The fast has made me feel so much happier already,I don't feel weighed down!

1st day!

2007-09-30T13:06:28Z

It's my first day of fasting. My fasting partner lives in a different time zone and so she finished her 1st day like 12 hours ago! I am trying not to go near food so I don't get tempted! But my friend keeps asking me to get her stuff nd I don't want to be rude so I go and get her food! Anyway my nigerian friend is hilarious! She has never been to america in her life but she has got such a Getto accent! She's so hyper and funny! I love her to peices!

Hi

2007-09-28T18:53:04Z

Today i made these really stoggy fattening cinnebuns! Now I feel ill because I threw it all up. ewwww! I have been soooooooooo home sick! I miss my friends in england and my life there! I have been made to feel a bit better as there is a party comeing up! Anyway I am tryingout this new thing with not eating all day unil 2:00 pm when you have vegetables and then dinner! and fruit> Have to go got mossys biteing ,me!

Depressed

2007-09-23T18:59:54Z

I am sooooo home sick. I want to go back to Engalnd, I hate it here. I can go party all I like but it's just not the same with my best friend. I suppose it's cause it was her birthday last week and I wasn't there she lives in Essex england in billericay, whereas I live in Oman muscat. I feel sooo depressed. I don't want to be depressed for ages again. A few years ago I became very depressed eventually ending up self harming and I just didn't know what to do with myself! But I am happy! I am a happy person! At the moment I am listening to Helena by my chemical romance, How cool Helena is my name! I listen to like every type of music! Not everythings bad I do stay in a boaring house for schooling and it's two and a half hours from my parents! wooo! I can actually do wha I want>>>>> I'm polite no Brat in me.
got 2 go!!!!!!!

Today?

2007-09-11T15:22:53Z

Today I woke up annita(my house mother asked if I wanted lunch for school, but luckily the bus came to my rescue and I ad to run out. This afternoon I came home quite hungry so took the salad out of the fridge, and ate it!!! I felt slightly ill. Now I have cpme back from dinner and felt so ill as annita made me eat and so I went and purged after we were excused from the table.

Ho guys

2007-09-11T11:38:38Z

hEY i AM New. My names Helena and I am a dancer.
I live in Oman and have only lived here for four weeks, I was in england before. Why am I sooo fat. I hate it when people tell me I am not fat! I stay in a boarding home for schooling two and a half hours away from my parents.I hate eating here everyone watches you!
Does anyone know any arm excersises to tone? Or toneing leg workouts?

I feel wierd, I hate eating in front of people cause I feel they're watching me, and I feel sooo guilty when I eat> Am I wierd?

Thanxxx

Hi

2007-09-11T11:29:28Z

hi I am new here,My names Helena, love dancing running and I live in Oman, I have just moved from the uk having lived there for nearly six years, before that south africa....... I have always had such a fucking bad relationship with food, I hate eating.
Am I wierd? Cause I hate eating in from of people I feel like people watch what I eat all the time, and I feel soooooo guilty when I do eat?

Has anyone got good arm or thigh toning excersises? Cause I am so flabby..... ewwwww

Hi

2007-09-11T11:17:19Z

Hi I'm new here, does anyone know good arm toneing excersises? Mine are like flab city.
By The way I live in Oman now, I have moved from england, essex and before that south africa. I live in a bording house for schooling. how old is everyone here?